Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Wow! When I first saw the orange Joose on the shelves at the store I thought I hit gold. 9.9% Malty Goodness. The taste followed suite. Then, I found the blue Joose. Sure you lose 0.9% alcohol at 9.0%, but the taste was so damn smooth that Michael Jackson wouldn’t have to call it Jesus Joose to get little boys liquored up. It reminded me of blue raspberry kool-aid (ohhh yeaaa) with little to no taste of alcohol (or maybe my senses are just dull from years of drinking).
I was so excited about my discovery that I had to share it with my drunken buddies. Seeing as how Joose was hard to find at the stores, my out-of-state buddy (yea, I only have one) could not partake in the Joosey goodness. I have been forced to ship some Joose via express cargo to him as he is no longer able to continue life without experiencing all that is Joose. He had seen the youtube videos. He has he heard rave reviews. However, the taste (and power) of Joose has never crossed his lips.
Just today, I have packaged up the Jooses (or is the plural of Joose, Jeese… like Goose to Geese?) and prepared them for delivery to courier tomorrow for the weekend delivery. Now as I sit with Joose on my mind, I visit the website… and what is this… oh shit… they finished the website… ’Enter Site’ … hell yea I want to enter the site. As my Com-crap-stic (Comcast) connection delivers the webpage at lighting fast speed I begin to here what sounds like Justin Timberlake (I may be mistaken about the artist, I don’t listen to gay music). No, this can’t be right. I might have something else in the background. Nope. It’s the Joose website and it has gay club music. FAB-U-LOUS!!!
So I get in my Miata and bump it up to 55MPH (oh yea, I can drive 55….gay) and start cruising the website. What is this, red Joose… cool cool, I will need to check that out. Shit! I better turn down that gay club music from the website before people really start suspecting shit.
Ah Joose Events, this should be sweet (click). What!? Dudes in suites!? Old ladies!? HOT CHICKS!.. (thought to myself “I’d bang her”) But again, OLD PEOPLE IN SUITES!? What happened to keeping it real? I know my man Tyron Biggums would not approve of this. I need to go back to my High Grav boyz and get back to the realness.
Ah the highgrav archives, what can give me that feeling of realness again? Well for starters that gay club music is gone. What is this? “September 19, 2006: Modifying the malt: Fortifying the 40 or Diluting the Deliciousness?” (Click http://highgrav.com/archivesshow.php?Date=2006-09-19) Nice, this will do. I feel whole again.
After Notes:
I am drunk so don’t bother pointing out the speling(sic) mistakes.
I had to resort back to a (unfortified) 40oz of Hurricane to get the gay music out on my head.
I love the Joose product, I hate the website.
B$
HGE
Keeping it Real Since 1983
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